I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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