her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
