How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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