the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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