you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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