Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
