K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
