Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
