Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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