Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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