I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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