Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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