I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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