Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
