I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
