There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
