Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
