Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
