My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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