hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
