Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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