i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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