i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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