He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
this boner is exhausting
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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