Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
