Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
