I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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