Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize