I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
