She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize