Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
