i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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