grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
