I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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