I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
