If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
