I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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