he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
