she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
