i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
