He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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