Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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