THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
