Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
