i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
where does the pee come out of this thing
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
false alarm, still single
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
