I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Small penises have feelings too.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Bring me that man meat
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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