just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize