I wish I could punch you in the face.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
well you can't waste a boner
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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