she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
