i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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