I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They took my balls.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
