I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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