My first STD was from a foam party
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
