Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
