Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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