So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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