i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
