Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
