you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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