I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
