I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
