I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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