I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
