Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
