Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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