Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
