Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
