I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
