You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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