Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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