1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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