All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
