At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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