It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's never too late to be topless.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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