this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize