I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
